"You Are Free!"

These 3 words have been making an impact on my life, and I have to thank my sisters of community for that! In CL (Communion and Liberation), we speak so much of man and reason. To be fully human is to use reason and the intellect. This is great-- I understand this and know that in using my intellect, I become more free in my 'yes' and 'no' qs I use more of myself, of my intellect and then of my will and heart, to make this choice.
Marie and Eva say these words to me a lot. I often say, "I don't know if I want to go here." Or, "I don't know what to order." Or, "I kind of feel like doing something else instead."
At appropriate moments, they look at me quite simply and say, "You are free." I feel like they just handed me a key to the door of a great treasure! I am reminded with those words, and I think, "You're right!! I AM free!" And I am hence given more strength and conviction to follow my heart.
I don't know if many people struggle in decisions of where to go, what to do, who to follow.... such small things; and yet, huge. Caring for what other people will say or think has long kept me from doing these small things. In a country and culture of individualism, I sometimes avoid being truly myself. Funny, huh?

The thing about being free is the responsibility I then take for my choice... At Taize prayer a couple weeks ago, they had a reading and then divided people into small groups for discussion. I felt it might be good to listen to the Thai teens respond with some testimonies, thought I really didn't feel like doing the small group thing; but I also really felt drawn to the chapel for personal prayer. I was put in a group, but stepped back, not knowing what to do. Eva came over and I explained-- she said, "But you are free. What do you want?" I looked at her, so grateful, and headed for the chapel. When the others came in to share in the large group, I was so happy I had taken the time for personal prayer! I had a wonderful time in silence with Jesus and my journal, and I still heard from others as they spoke in the large group.

I am learning so much about my freedom and how to use it. It's amazing really. Free will is something that defines us as human beings, but in my experience, I often relinquish it, saying, "Here. You decide." But, I don't always end up giving my will to God. Plus, I don't think God wants to take my will away from me. He wants me to look to Him, using all my own pure freedom.