The Love Test: for a Ph.D

In reference to Rev. Thierry's quote from my last post, I really believe I am preparing for gigantic "love test" right now! 

As people ask me what the mission is of Heart's Home (which is still un-officially my organization), I tell them, perhaps too simply, that the volunteers live amongst the poor to be a presence of Christ. It sounds so simple one person responded lightly, "Wow, so you get to basically hang out with people and have fun in another country for a couple years!"

It sounds that simple, yet it is an overwhelming task! What does it mean to love someone? As Christ loves? 

"Love is indeed 'ecstasy'...as a journey, an ongoing exodus 

out of the closed inward-looking self 

towards its liberation through self-giving and thus 

towards authentic self-discovery and indeed the discovery of God." 

Encyclical Letter: Deus Caritas Est, 

by Pope Benedict XVI (emphasis added). 

This is love in any vocation, as lived in any state of life! In love between a man and a woman, in love between parent and child, love between friends, love among family... In order to love, one must remove all pride! Self-giving, self-discovery, a movement out of my own needs and desires--this is where I find my freedom! Liberty is found in giving.

This may seem elementary and redundant to you, but I am learning things I thought I knew all over again.

I am at times overwhelmed by what I am called to do. I don't know if I can!!! To love strangers and the poor as Christ is HARD! And yet, it seems so much easier to love the stranger and the poor person than it is to love my family and those closer to me. Why must I go overseas to love people? Why can't I stay here? There are plenty of people to love! I know there are plenty of lonely people--even in rich suburbs!  I have a hard enough time loving everyone I pass today--why must I travel to love the foreign strangers!? Yes, I have the desire to do so. But I don't understand it. 

Rev. Thierry explains the mission of the volunteers like this, which strikes at the core of my deepest desires:

"There, you understand, you can not calculate. You do not save for re­tirement. You do not wonder whether it will be possible or not to go skiing. You do not look at your neighbours to see if you are richer than them. You do not give what you have in excess. You give your essentials and you mysteriously know that giving it over to the one who is knocking at the door is giving it to Christ Himself. You give your time : someone has a few bricks to build his house and there come all the district to work at it. And, of course, you know it well enough, it is not heaven but you will learn how to open your eyes. to those behaviours which will move you to the deepest and proclaim the Gospel to you so strongly…

...Suddenly our eyes stopped on a child whose face was completely distorted, whose arms and legs were extremely thin. He was holding the spoon in his hand and with a moving tenderness was feeding his neighbour who was even more affected than him. His behaviour paralysed us with emo­tion and caused tears in our eyes.

The poor helps the poor. The poor washes the poor’s feet. You will be asked that only : to kneel down, to comfort distressed hearts, to wash diseased bodies, to sit up at the dying child next to you. And you will never say : “I will do it tomorrow!” Caritas urget vos : char­ity can not allow us any rest and will never do until the end. It is to­day! It is now! It is at once that we must love as much as to give ourselves over! It is as urgent as a blood transfusion in an emptying body."

My goal is to learn how to love. 

I want a Ph.D. in love.