What is so difficult about this life?

Unfortunately, I am unable to upload pictures this week of my life here in KrungThep (local name for this ginormous city). Also, i am going to let you know right now that any spelling or punctuation errors are to blame on this keyboard: its in french. (For those of you who may be unaware of what this means, it is that the letters and symbols are in different places than the english keyboard--makes it all go a bit more slowly. Its quite a deviation from the typing I was taught in 7th grade).

My first weeks here are just beginning to sink in. A ride on a motorcycle taxi this morning to get to mass really proved it. It is true what I wrote last week-- it has not been easy to be here.

Quite honestly, its not the poverty or culture that is so shocking. Ive travelled and seen poverty in large cities, in the mountains in Peru, in Rome, in Kansas City, in New York... I have had only cold water in which to shower before. I've lived in the slums.

Yes, its true that the slums in Klong Toey are different. Its true that the culture is different. But you know what? I'm really quite able to adapt. It is always striking at first sight, and it is striking again to return to our neighborhood after a day of rest with a family here in a nicer neighborhood. But Klong Toey is home. I enjoy the hot water I get once a week with a family, and the occasional air conditioning of a church, but our little yellow house on Jet Sip Rai is now home (even with the flying cockroaches that come to visit after it rains!).

Living in community with 6 other girls: is this the difficulty? No, actually. Sure, difficulties will come with that, no doubt. I am sad that I cannot really speak with or get to know my sister of community, Thuy, because she speaks only Vietnamese and...Thai. But that gives me another reason to buckle down and persevere in my language study! I enjoy hearing their stories, seeing their pictures of family, learning about the mission from their experiences; how they came to be here... We share a heart in choosing this life; this mission. Living in an intentional community, all having committed our lives to prayer, immediate forgiveness, and a heart open to Christ makes for a singular experience of community life. A bit different than living in a college dorm!

It must be the prayer life then, right? The most difficult piece of this life? Hmm... No. I even find myself yearning for the prayer. Not in an over-emotional way. But I enjoy our simple chapel, the singing of the Psalms in the Divine Office, and that often the children will walk in the house as we pray and see us, pray with us--even though we do at times need to 'kick them out' for disrespecting the prayer time.

That brings me to a side note about the children. They know when we pray, for we have set times each day. They are Buddhist and have visited the temples with their parents, or at school. At the temples, there are very strict rules for decorum--how to sit, how to fold your hands, not to make noise or be moving around ( as kids obviously tend to do). So, they know what is proper behavior. We ask that they simply respect our prayer and Christ in our chapel, as we also make the effort to respect their customs. This means they are welcome to pray with us, but please do not talk or play in the chapel, or bring in food and drink; and not to lay down during prayer either. It is wonderful to have them join us for the Rosary, which they often do, and they even know the prayers! I often ponder Gods plan and the unknown ways of the Holy Spirit in this...

So... what is hard?

It was easy to grasp from a distance before I left what this mission is all about. Many of you even asked me, 'So what will you be doing?' And its true that my mission here in Heart's Home is to be a simple presence of love. We do not come here to 'do' but to 'be'. To be a heart. To be a presence. To be changed.

This is the most difficult so far. I am learning how to ask God at the start of each day for the grace I need for today. I am learning fast that I need only to be present now; in the present.

I am so accustomed to the mentality of productivity and 'time is money'... I do not see a face value of my 'work'. I am called here to... simply live and to live simply.

I do not yet see the suffering of our friends-- it is not something we can see tangibly. The soul suffers in many ways here... I am aware of the prostitution; the infidelity; the drugs; the alcohol; the AIDS; the loneliess; the poverty-- in my head. I am obviously still new here and have not witnessed these things first hand. So I learn to be patient; to open my heart to a friend-- and to pray to the Angel of Understanding (amazing that it helps too!) as I visit friends and play with children, being present.. and often silent.

This is a special time in my mission. I am like a child in many ways: ignorant. I have very little experience of our life here, and do not know the city, language, or many of the customs. I do not have any money, nor do I even know how to say the numbers or ask a price of something (I'm getting there with the help of language school and this immersion). I dont know how we do things around the house, and I dont really understand the schedule. I am in a special state of openness and learning--and its so beautiful!

I am aware that this will not last long; as I learn my way around this green and polluted metropolis, meet our ex-patriot friends; and learn how to speak Thai. I will be given responsibilities and life here will be changed--the struggles I have will change!
Hence I live today! What a blessing it is to have a chance to learn this lesson!

I am grateful for so much in my life. It is beautiful! Yes, even in the slums and the poverty of my neighborhood! I am at peace with my God, and He blesses me daily. What more do I need?!

First Days in Thailand

I have arrived safe and sound in this country of "contradiction", as I am fast learning. It is a beautiful land, the people are friendly and the spicy food is...way more spicy than in the States. But, delicious!

I do not have words to describe my first few days in a nutshell. To be frank, these first days have not been easy. It was easy to talk about this mission before my departure. Now I am here and those first two days were much more adjusting than I anticipated. My mind is simmering many thoughts, my heart is brimming with emotions. My currently tranquil spirit is sorting through all of the first impressions.

I will share some pictures with you that show my first experiences of Bangkok. This is the easiest way for me to explain these first experiences.

A typical big city... But notice the contrast of the buildings! Oh, and many many Motosi--Motor cycles. More can afford one of those than a car.  

Walkways over the roads--yes, traffic is that bad. And you may get a 2,000 baht fine for trying to cross the street on your own!

Lots of pollution (which I think I may be allergic--it's that or the hot to cold temperatures that has given me a bit of a cold or something) but the hedges are trimmed quite fine!

Our street is quite narrow, but beautified with many plants. Oh yes, and the cats are all over--I don't know that they have owners? And bicycles as well as motorcylces come down these narrow, and often crowded, streets.

Marie, my sister of community from France. This is the bridge we cross each day in our neighborhood on our way to/from school and/or mass. It crosses the very polluted klong, or canal. You can see that they started to build a new bridge on the right--but it looks like that project was initiated quite some time ago--and God only knows if the lovely Thai will ever finish it!

Our house is on the left. Katie (my roommate and fellow tall American) is leading some new friends into the house. We invite children to our home every afternoon to play. This helps to keep them off the streets and allows us to pour some love and attention into their lives.

Fr. Daniel, a Redemptorist priest from Africa, who came to our home for a welcome mass.

Statue of the Thai Blessed Virgin Mary, and a drawing by Mai, one of the girls. I drew the Holy Family, and she colored it. Beautiful story... will be in my next sponsor letter :)

Our Kitchen. We have 2 gas burners, no oven, and it fits about two people in there at once!

Bathroom--no TP in the toilet, and flush by pouring water down it. Shower? The whole room is it! Yes, we have running water, but only cold--which considering the heat, is alright by me.

The corridor to our 2nd floor. We wash our clothes, and thanks again to the heat...they dry quite rapidly!

Our Laundry facility. It is really quite easy!

The Upstairs. Our calendar for the week.
For perspective, the bathroom and laundry area is below where I'm standing. We wash our clothes under the stairs.

View from the upstairs window.



Upstairs hallway and more clothes drying!



"my" portion of the house. With 6 other sisters of community, personal space is limited!

Again, "my" space. Realistically, I share with Katie. I love the mosquito net--I always wanted to sleep with one around my bed.  I always thought it as something so exotic... I could do without the bright pink color (but it is a 'lucky' color here in Thailand).

Our closets and desk.

Mai with her coloring! She also helped make my welcome sign. My Thai name is Phii Pandaa--Phii is how they address us, meaning "Big Sister", Pandaa means.. Panda! Yes, like the bear. The children choose our names. Eva is Phii Mii (Bear), Josephine is Phii Suaj (Beautiful), Katie is Phii Cheri (Cherry), Marie is Phii Oon (Sweet, soft), Laure is Phii Manao (lime), Thuy is Phii Ke (sheep). Thai people all  have nicknames as their real names are very long.

The Market! This is where we shop each week for our food. It is cheap, yes, but very smelly with fresh fish and meat combinged with the sewage and pollution of the city.  This area smelled a bit better with some herbs and fruit.

A Thai man working at the Market! The ground is usually quite wet so many people wear rain boots. Otherwise? Flip flops.

Katie (behind the pole), buying pumpkin, which we ate in a soup for lunch (with rice...of course). This is a country for short people. I've hit my head on the awning on the street more than once--oh, and I must beware of the fans on the buses.
 To get my hair caught in one would be... deadly.

Ahhh... I almost forgot: The Spirit House. Thais all have a Spirit house in front of their home. They believe that it is bad to build as you then disrupt the spirits. So, every building has one. Also, they use it to pay respect to their ancestors. So they have little 'dolls' inside, and give them food each day, and buy malai (flowers) for them. This helps them gain merit and keep the spirits from bothering them.



Our community!!! With Fr. Daniel, who came to the house to say mass for us yesterday as a welcome for Eva and I, as well as Josephine. Eva is from Argentina for a 20 month mission, and Josephine is staying with us for 1 month. She is from Switzerland and on mission in India. She is staying with us as she renews her visa.
From Left to Right:
Eva, Laure, Thuy, myself, Fr. Daniel, Katie, Josephine, and Marie.




I hope you enjoyed these photos and now have an idea of where I am!!!
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